how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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