just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
