First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
