NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
