Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
