hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
