i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
