I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
