I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
