Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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