so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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