I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
