I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The adults are the big ones right?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
