Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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