AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
