Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
