you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
