So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
