if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
