Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
