What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
