I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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