When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
