my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
