She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
