1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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