while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
