Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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