So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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