this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
