It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
