Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
