yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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