Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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