I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
