I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
