I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
