his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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