i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
