I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
