The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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