Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
