Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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