Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
