Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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