I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rumble strips road head = magical
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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