i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
