The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
