hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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