ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
